Poll Results!

The results of my poll are in!

After 71 Votes from YOU the readers, these are the results:

58 Votes (81%) Subscribed for life

9 Votes (12%) I like what I see

1 Vote (1%) Nothing Special

3 Votes (4%) Can't Say I'll come back

I want to thank all of my supporters!

As 2010 reaches an end, I resolve to make sure my writing only improves, my followers continue to follow and the writing will hopefully see no end!

Take care and I hope everyone enjoys their Holiday's safely!

Thanks again! It's you guys that make this blog as amazing as it is!

Sincerely Yours,

Francis Frustration

Christmas Wishlist

I figured that since December a few days ago .. I should start my list now.
I highly doubt I am going to get everything I ask for .. That almost never happens ..

In fact, I'll be lucky if I get 1/2 of what I ask for.. Or even if I get 1/4 or a 1/3 of what I ask for ..

Who knows.. Hopefully this year will be different.
Here we go:

1. A new bass guitar
2. A new cell phone (Preferably a blackberry)
3. (Lots and lots of) Money
4. Xbox Live!
5. Skinny Jeans from Hot Topic (30X32 size) (Colors: Red and brown)
6. Fake spacers 
7. V Necks in various solid colors (Size: Medium)
8. New leather jacket (from Urban Behavior or H&M) Size: Medium (MAYBE Large?)
9. Set Your Goals album "This Will Be the Death of Us"
10. Drake album "Thank Me Later"
11. Parkway Drive album "Horizons"
12. Parkway Drive album "Deep Blue"
13. Skull candy headphones (Small ones)
14. Fitted hats (Size 7 1/2) 
15. Band tees from Hot Topic (The Devil Wears Prada, Hawthorne Heights, Sliverstein, 30 Seconds to Mars) Size: Medium)
16. GOOD hair products for styling hair (but NO HAIR GEL)
17. GOOD hair straightener 

^ That is everything I NEEDED to ask for, that I can think of anyways.

Feel free to think outside the box based on those suggestions!

Inside the Mind of The Frustrated #24

"You never seem to take anything as seriously as I wish you did... Maybe I'm taking things too seriously? Who knows.  Maybe I really am as uptight as people say ... Maybe I need to relax, but seriously it's obvious that you don't consider me as important as you say sometimes ... Perhaps it's just my paranoia but by not I thought you'd know my personality by now.. You should know that you mean a lot to me and that anytime we make plans, I treat them as important as any plan I make but I guess it means nothing to you.  We always have next time right? You once promised me a weekend but that failed ... You promised me a week and even that failed ... Sometimes it can get so frustrating, but you are the best friend I've ever had .. Whenever I see you it's worth it but until then .. You have no idea how much torture you put me through sometimes ... You'll never understand until you see it from my eyes, but you don't wanna be that serious about something as stupid as chill plans right?  They're just chill plans right? They mean nothing to you ... "

- Francis Frustration

a Sneak Peak...

A quick peak at the new D Pryde music video for his "Black and Yellow" freeverse.

Looking forward to seeing the whole thing!
Starring D Pryde and the ND gang including yours truly and my brother Martin.

Hope you guys enjoy the outcome!
It was a blast filming despite the cold weather!

- Francis Frustration

New Piercing!

You know what they say!

Out with the old and in with the new!

- Francis Frustration

Inside the Mind of The Frustrated #23

"Seriously? It's my money, so I don't see why you feel you have the right to pissed about me spending it.  Sure I've been spending a lot of it lately, but I've also been saving some.  This was my allowance.  It was given to me to spend at my will, and it was my responsibility to learn how to save and that's exactly what I'm doing.  Forgive me if it's not the way you do things, but you should know by now that we have different opinions on the matter.  Just because I don't save in the same way you do, and I see different value in things than you do; that doesn't make me wrong.  It just means we have a difference of opinion.  I was given an allowance, so it should almost be a given that you would expect me to buy stuff that I want.  I'm supporting a friend who has been signed onto a record label.  If I think it's worth it, then it's worth.  Believe it or not, I know when enough is enough but due to our differences you don't think I know it.  I do, you just don't believe anything that comes out of my mouth.  This is why I can't talk to you about anything.  Your ego just gets in the way and you always want to see things your way.  I'm 18, I'm supposed to be living my own life instead of being tied down by every small little stupid rule you had when you were growing up in the Philippines.  Times have changed, you need to accept that.  Everyone else has."

- Francis Frustration

Frustration..

This is going to be .... hard....

I already know how you are going to react to this news..

Look.

I understand that this means everything to you, 

but I don't want you to think that it means nothing to me or 

it isn't as important to me...

Honestly I do want to see you and spend time with you and to meet you family.

I really do .,. but I can't just ditch my blood family..

Especially when I have the chance to see my cousins who I barely to never see ..

Honestly, this is really complicated and I'm not sure I can put this in words ..

I know you'll get angry and I know we might end up fighting over this..

I want to be as mature as I possibly can in order to stay in the good side of my parents as well as yours ..

But I feel like I'll only prove to not deserve your love ..

That's all I can say at the moment ...

- Francis Frustration

Danger Days: The True Lives of the Fabulous Killjoys [2]

Currently listening to it and falling in love.

Bought it today at HMV. If you are a My Chemical Romance fan at all, you will absolutely love this album. This is so much better than the "Black Parade" album.

Definitely worth the wait and worth the money.
I am loving every second of every song.

My Chemical Romance for life!

- Francis Frustration

30 Day Photo Challenge [Day 23]

Day 23 - A picture of your favorite book

I couldn't pick one out of the entire series.
I love them all for different reasons.
The only book I don't like as much as the rest would be "New Moon", only because Edward's barely in it and it pretty much revolves around Jacob Black.

- Francis Frustration

I Wonder ...

What would happen if I left..
If I disappeared from your life..

What would happen?
I may never know,
or at least how you would
truly feel.

Let me tell you how I feel about it:
It kills. It hurts to think about a life without you ... I know I may never be the best, but I'll always try .. I know our friendship is treasured by me, but I'll never truly know if it's treasured by you ..  Call it paranoia but that's how I feel.  You're an amazing person, and you will always be able to make new friends.. I wish I could say the same.  All I can do is cherish the friends I have now and hope they don't abandon me. I will do whatever it takes to maintain our friendship because I miss you ... More than anyone of my other friends I have ever lost ... But I'm sure you have no problem replacing my with someone better ... and I have no doubt that you can and you probably will..

Who knows .. Maybe I'm taking this more seriously then I should ... You seem to not be worrying about how things will end up... then why am I so worried... Maybe it's 'cause I know how I lucky I am that you haven't already ditched me ....

I just hope you don't ... It's all I can ever ask of you without feeling selfish .. and even then I feel guilty at the thought of it ...

- Francis Frustration

Sometimes ...

Sometimes, I doubt ..
I fear things that seem stupid to fear..
I think things that sound ridiculous out loud..

But that's just me.

Sometimes,
I think things but never
say them out loud
I always fear the worst
The worst in how you'll take it ..
I don't want to hurt you..

But that's just me ..

Sometimes ..
Blogging and music
seem to be the only
unbiased outlets ..
I can always trust it..

But that's just me...

This is who I am ..
I'm not sure if I like it ..

- Francis Frustration

What Should I Do [2]

What should I do..
I can't seem to sleep..
My mind won't let me,
What should I do...

Should I accept that there is a possibility
that someone better for you is out there?
Should I confess that sometimes I wonder,
I wonder if it's love we feel or clouded love with lust
.. What should I do..

Should I admit that it would better to find someone else,
That it's how I feel sometimes..
I know I love you ..
but it's because I love you that I wonder if I'm the best...

Should I confess if I've had thoughts of you being happier with
someone else?
You tell them that it would never happen and that it's not like that..
But I've been that person before.. I know the situation ..
Should I accept that perhaps there is a possibility for stronger feelings than you admit?

... What should I do?
Should I be ashamed and horrible for thinking that?
...
I don't know anymore..
What should I do...

Should I admit that I have doubts?
Who doesn't we're only human right?
Then why is it so hard to admit I can't be perfect..
Should I admit that it's 'cause I try to be perfect?
I try to be everything you deserve,
but sometimes my own nature goes against that...

What should I do ...
I try to be mature about things, but sometimes it's hard.
It's hard when I want to succumb to my emotions because
it's easier, but then I remember than I'm the older one.
I have to be the mature one; it's what people expect..

What should I do..
Should I be who you want me to be?
Give myself to a ... "God" ..
What should I do...
I used to at least think that I had these answers..

Now a days, I just repress it and listen to more music ..
Hopefully it goes away... For good this time..

- Francis Frustration

No Shave November/ Movember

It’s that time of the year again!  If you have no idea what I am talking about, you may have noticed the unusual increase of facial over the month of November? Or perhaps you didn’t, because you love facial hair and can’t understand why anyone would want to shave that beautiful thing off of their faces.  Allow me to explain, there are certain standards in what people consider professionalism and facial hair seems to always be connected to  homeless people because as well all know, homeless people usually don’t shave as they do not have access to the necessary tools.  However, this is not what the month is truly about.  Men all around the world grow facial hair and surrender their good looks for the good cause that is awareness of prostate cancer. It is a fact that 1 in every 6 of us men will experience this tragedy.  It is also a fact that I just “googled” that fact.  Every year I take pride in giving up my appearance for the sake of awareness in hopes that one day, all men can live without fear of a disgusting cancer taking hold of what they use to create sons and daughters. 

- Francis Frustration 

Prostitution or Free Will, You May (or May Not) Have the Choice

For those against prostitution because it is degrading for women and makes them lesser than men; I offer you another “point of perspective” so to speak. 

EITHER

Women prostitute themselves

OR

Women are left without a job

-          Seems simple enough right? I mean, would you let another woman be without an income simply because you disagreed with her line of work? The unemployment rate would be so much higher globally.  On top of that if a woman isn’t working, then she’s at home and we can all think of the outcomes of that can’t we? 

EITHER

Women have the choice of prostitution

OR

Women are forced into other jobs

-          This might not make sense to you, but consider this.  If a woman wants to be a prostitute and you stop her because it is illegal, are you not stripping away her rights?  We want to move ahead of time, and the fight to give the women the right to vote didn’t happen so that we could instead control what jobs they should be doing. 

EITHER

Prostitution becomes legalized

OR

Women are forced to break said “law” to survive

-          We can all criticize these women and tell them to get more “honourable” jobs but we can’t deny the desperate times call for desperate measures. Until we’ve lived the lives they’ve lived, we can’t judge their “career” decisions so to speak. 

EITHER

The government spends countless on the controversy that is “Prostitution”

OR

We focus on more important things.

-          Lets be honest, at the end of the day is prostitution really that much of a dilemma? Will our society as we know it crash because women want to have sex for money and no commitment?  At the end of the day, we have to look at ourselves and ask if this is worth the fight?  We’ve got starving kids and underpaid child workers but we’re worried about middle aged women who choose to make a living out of sex?  I’m not saying that this is always the case, but those women are out there somewhere.  On a corner block waiting for opportunity, because somewhere in the world its night time and they’re looking for their living.  Are you going to be the one that takes their income away, because you don’t agree with their beliefs? I’ll let you think about that.  

- Francis Frustration

Canada, meet Double Down

Something like this WOULD come from the states.

$6.99 of the most unhealthiest combination of deep fried fast food Canada will ever see.

I don't think anyone can or will want to top this?

I hope not..

Either way..

My verdict is.. As UNHEALTHY it was..

I loved every bite, even though I knew I was slowly killing myself.

- Francis Frustration

Remembrance Day: Let us Remember ...

Let us remember...

Those who lost their lives

The families that were affected

Those loved ones most close to our hearts

Today,

We remember lost souls

We remember those who have moved on

We remember the lives,

that many have been taken away too quickly

Those who were unfairly stolen

Today,

we remember,

Not just our loses

but the world's loses

As we mourn

let use remember them

Let their memories remain with us for our lifetime.

Let us not forget,

the ways in which they have touched

each and every one of our lives

whether it be in a big or small way

Let us not forget,

soon

we will join them

In Flanders fields

One poppy..

For every soul lost..

Sometimes we run out of poppies.

So, let their memories find refuge in our hearts.

- Francis Frustration

Inside the Mind of The Frustrated #21

"My house has become a prison... I want out.. I need out... There is no happiness here..."

- Francis Frustration

30 Day Photo Challenge [Day 5]

Day 5 - A Picture of your Favorite Memory

Carnival Freedom

Club O2

The week I found my one love, and a lifetime of memories

Why wouldn't it be my favorite?

I will forever cherish this week.

- Francis Frustration

What Should I Do...

What should I do ...

Should I accept that I've made mistakes?

Admit that at times I've been too selfish to learn from them?

Should I accept our differences,

or should I just work harder to be who you want me to.

.. What should I do?

Should I just lay down and conform,

or should I try and work towards a compromise?

Would you want to?

What should I do? ...

Should I remain who I am.. Flaws and all,

or should I change

should I give myself over to a religion

Abandon my own belief system for your sake..

Something that you would like

.. What should I do ..

Should I be frustrated that

you can never seem pleased with what I do?

Or happy that I'm growing more independent as the days pass

Should I be who you want me to be?

... What should I do ..

Who should I be ..

Wasn't it good enough for me to happy with who I am?

...

Why doesn't it feel good enough for you anymore...

What should I do...

Should I even post this ..

What Should I do..

Should I give up?

... I don't know anymore ...

- Francis Frustration

Inside the Mind of The Frustrated #20

"Some people turn to religion, and faith during times of stress and struggle. I turn to music. It's the only thing that's seemed to help me other than my friends. Religion has never really helped me through my problems, and in some cases it's only made more out of my guilty conscience. Sometimes I feel like it's abandoned me, so I live by my own code of conduct. Do what you can, when you can because no one else will do anything if you don't make the first move. I believe that if you are a good person, and you live your life to the fullest you can, happiness should follow. It SHOULD follow. It doesn't always as I've experienced."

- Francis Frustration

The Trip

All it takes is one

One leads to another

Another leads to a couple

A couple lead to a round

A round leads to a lot more

A lot more is where the trouble can start

Caffeine, Cocaine,

Alcohol, Marijuana,

Call it whatever you want

Too much comes with a cost

Are you willing to pay it?

You told yourself it would be a boost

You wouldn’t be an addict

Truth is,

Everyone says that

You’re getting high,

But you’re feeling at an

All time low

Judgement blurs

Vision follows

Common sense doesn’t seem

So common now does it?

Nothing is real anymore

You wanted to live,

So you risked your life

For one night?

Does that sound right

To you?

My addiction always comes back

From time to time

We’re aren’t the same though

I learned to control it,

But you succumbed to it

I find outlets,

You find dealers

I find company with friends,

You make company with fake ones

I went for help,

And people helped me.

You didn’t trust them.

I wish you did;

They showed me

The real happiness of my life

Not the fake kind drugs gave me

The fake one it gave us

You saw me through so much,

You should have let me return the favour

I owe you so much,

I should have done more for you

If only you let me

We both went down the same path,

I told you I would never come back

I wish you went with me.

Now you’ve walked too far down

The path is so far deep

It’s next to impossible to help you

I want to though

You’re my friend

I wish you know that,

It hurts me to see you like this

You told me once,

That we were the same

Our fates were intertwined

Everything happened for a reason.

Now, I see you could never be so wrong

I see that our one difference

Makes all the difference in the world,

No matter what was common between us

Because what was common was drugs

What was different was the end result

The difference between you and me?

You’ve reached your spot at the graveyard

Mine’s still on reservation.

- Francis Frustration

Inside the Mind of The Frustrated #19

"You never cease to disappoint. Why should I even bother expecting you to understand anymore. Why should I even bother attempting to explain myself. Whenever I try to explain the situation, you always seem to simply tune me out and hear what you want to hear. You come to your own conclusions, and you don't think that anyone else's point of view makes sense. Well, you know what? Sometimes peoples actions aren't always based on a 'reward system'. Some people do things and do favors for people, because they like them and want to help them. It's called friendship. I apologize if that seems insane to you, but people actually care about each other enough that they help each other out. It might not seem logical to you, but friendship isn't based on logic. It's based on what we're willing to do in order to be with the people you love. You can't just assume that I forced a decision, because I would never have to. I would only ask of them something that they would want to do, and they would be honest enough to let me know if they want to or not. Times have changed. Why can't you see that ..."

- Francis Frustration

After 4 Months of Growing ..

I'm quite pleased with the results.

Despite, being back at square one in terms of growing my hair.

I can't wait to see how it'll turn out.

I like it, even though I resented getting it cut at first.

I figured if I'm going to grow my hair out, then at least make it grow out nicely

What do YOU think?

- Francis Frustration

A Reunion of Sorts ..

Thank you face book.

For allowing our friendship to remain intact.

After ALL these years.. After we moved our separate ways in life and grew up.

Years later.. We met up and we had an awesome reunion.

It was good seeing everyone and all grown up.

Friends till the end.

I feel so grateful that I am able to stay in touch with such wonderful friends.

We plan on getting together once a month.

I can't wait.

It's always a pleasure knowing that we were able to remain friends through all these years

Not to mention the changes we've been through individuals.

Time flies by, so we're going to try and enjoy each second till the end.

- Francis Frustration

I need YOUR HELP!

Yours truly is having a dilemma!

In the picture above is a picture of all the CDs I have uploaded on my Ipod so far ..

But even with ALL THAT ..

I need NEW MUSIC.

Which is why right now I am asking YOU, because YOU (The readers) are the only people that can help solve this problem.

Whether or not you have a blog or not.. I want you to leave your TOP ten bands/artists via comments on this post.

I have A LOT of music, but some of it is growing old and I need to update my library with new music.

I am open to ALL types of genres and styles, but on a side note I've been listening to A LOT of Post- Hardore, Punk style music with breakdowns and the occasional guitar solo.

Looking forward to your feedback!

ALL comments/Top ten lists will be published !

- Francis Frustration

Torn ...

This tears me inside out ..

I wish this would never happen..

I wish I could explain without seeming unfair.

That seems next to impossible right now

Actually.

It DOES seem impossible ..

I wish it didn't have to be like this ..

She doesn't mean it the way you're taking this.

She has her own significant other..

Honestly..

I wish you didn't despise her..

She's a part of my friend circle..

What do you want me to do?

I see two paths I could take

Someone gets hurt either way ..

I wish you didn't take it like that..

I wish you could trust them the way I do..

We could all be great friends..

I wish you could see

that they do respect my relationship..

I told you that everyone I meet,

I do my best to ensure they know

I am taken

You have me,

no one else will.

I wish you could trust that

I'll never want anyone else.

I see what I would have to do..

To give you perfection ..

It hurts..

I wish I didn't have to..

It's just the way some people are..

Everyone's perspective on what is deemed appropriate

Is different ..

I wish you could see it the same way I did..

But I can't force anything on you ..

I'm not taking sides..

I'll always love you..

I just wish that..

It didn't bother you..

Words can't describe how..

Frustrated with how to express myself...

I wish you could of met everyone..

BEFORE not wanting to meet them..

I know your being honest...

I wish I DIDN'T bother you.

I wish it didn't mean anything..

I wish it didn't lead to..

THIS.

- Francis Frustration

A Message to My Fellow Canadians ..

Have a very happy and safe thanksgiving!

Hope you all enjoy the holiday and spend your day off with your loved ones, friends, as well as family.

One thing I am definitely thankful for this year is all the support my blog has gotten from YOU the readers!

I am also extremely grateful for all the love and support the Mrs. has given me and I'd like to take this opportunity to thank you.

I was lucky enough to spend my thanksgiving with her family and it was a memorable thanksgiving.

Thanks to the Marshall family for allowing me to become a part of the family holiday.

I love you all for that.

- Francis Frustration

Inside the Mind of The Frustrated #17

"The story of Pandora's Box is that out of all the evil released into the world, Hope is trapped within the box. To be honest I think that in a way it's good. This may sound like a stretch, but when we are given something without effort or work towards it we tend to take it for granted. We don't seem to appreciate that we have it until we are at risk of losing it. When Pandora released evil onto the world, it forced the world to come together against what was seen as 'evil'. As crazy as you might think this sounds, Pandora trapped hope because it forced us to create out own. We created Hope from desperation and as a result, it was greatly cherished. If hope was handed over, I don't think we would of appreciated it as much as we do today. That's my side on things."

- Francis Frustration

BIG NEWS!

http://makingjewelrysupplies.com/blog_awards/index.php

That website? ^

If you go to it, you will find THIS BLOG.

That's right!

My blog, thanks to YOU the readers was good enough to reach the ears of this website.

As a result, they have decided to publish my blog as the "featured blog".

This could NOT have been done WITHOUT YOUR help so I just want to take this opportunity.

To thank each and EVERYONE of you.

I know I might be making a big deal out of this .. but this is the FIRST time something like this has EVER happened to me.

Expect A LOT more blogging and A LOT more me!

Keep on reading and thanks again to those who CONTINUE to read my blog.

You have my UNDYING respect.

- Francis Frustration

THE movie I have been waiting for ..

Or at least ever since I finished reading the series.

I can ONLY foresee amazing results and happiness out of me watching it.

- Francis Frustration

Inside the Mind of The Frustrated #16

"Sometimes the people that get along the most are those that don't have a lot in common. Those who 'agree to disagree'. They seem to get along better than those with similar interests. I think this happens, because these two people are strong enough to put aside their differences and understand their care and love for each other. Not to say that it would be better to have LESS in common ... More to say that it's better to cherish your differences as it makes you who you are as an individual. No one is 'perfectly right' for each other, and no one will ever perfectly fit our description of our 'perfect significant other'. That being said, you must be able to put your differences aside and use your differences to come closer together in love and unity. It's the difference that makes people see the connection between two people in love."

- Francis Frustration

Need vs Want

What's the difference?

It can sometimes feel like you need something when you really just want it.

This is what I think the difference is:

When you WANT something. it only lasts a certain amount of time before you want something else. Whether it takes hours, days, months or even years sometimes. A want will always die in time and be replaced with something new.

When you NEED something?

That's when you'll ALWAYS have the desire for it.

It's the feeling of being incomplete with it.

Don't get it mixed up with wanting something though.

You can live without something you want.

You CAN'T live without something or even someone you NEED.

That's why heartbreak can seem so harsh sometimes.

You develop a NEED for the other person, and when they leave you;

All hope SEEMS to be lost.

But just remember, if something is MEANT to happen it WILL happen

and ALWAYS keep in mind:

Hope exists as long as we continue to have faith in it's existence.

- Francis Frustration

The "Perfect" Gift

Everyone's got one in their mind.

The one they want above all others.

The gift they would as their genie for first.

If they had to only get one thing,

for BOTH their birthday and Christmas (If they celebrate it )

THIS is what they would want.

Now, here's the chance for my readers to interact with this blog.

I want YOU to tell ME what YOUR perfect gift would be.

What would YOU ask for if you could ask for ANYTHING.

If someone came down and granted you the ability to get

ONE and ONE thing only

What would YOU ask for?

This is what I would ask for (Picture):

A beautiful new bass guitar.

Looking forward to hearing what YOUR perfect gift would be!

- Francis Frustration

PS. Leave your feedback via comments on this post please.

Inside the Mind of The Frustrated #15

"The ONE thing that will NEVER make sense to me is stereotypes. I mean, seriously stereotypes are the biggest form of anti-individualism. At the same time, it isn't right to stereotype someone based on appearance alone. Everyone is an individual and to stereotype someone without getting to know them is only crippling your chance at getting to know someone you might actually like. I will admit that if someone makes an assumption that a stranger seems approachable and talks to them as a result, it's not as bad. That's not the issue though; the issue is when people put others in one general group based on what they see on the outside. Stereotypes are stupid. Just be yourself, and your true friends will be with you, because they want to be. Not based on the stereotype you choose to try and fit, because it seems cool to you. I will admit that there are influences in how people act, but that shouldn't control who you choose to be. You choose your OWN personality, and what you believe in."

- Francis Frustration

Inside the Mind of The Frustrated #14

"Gandhi once said that everything you do in life is insignificant, but it's important that you do it. In a slightly depressing way, it is true. When you die, everything you have ever done and come to become will become nothing, but it's crucial that it is done. Life is interesting in the sense that we live and die, but yet we only truly seem to understand the significance of it in our dying years. Some people fear death, and do everything they can to prolong life. Others embrace death and live life to the fullest knowing that death is inevitable. I envy those who can laugh in the face of death. I live my life to the fullest that I can, and I can only hope that others enjoy the company I bring. Yet, death is the scariest thing I can think of: The end of everything. By everything, I mean of course everything I have come to know and love. I don't know what to believe; what will happen to me after I die. Some people think they know what will happen to us, while others believe in nothing. I don't know know what to believe, but for the time being I think I'll stick to being the best person that I can be and hope people appreciate me, as I appreciate them"

- Francis Frustration

Danger Days: The True Lives of the Fabulous Killjoys

November 22, 2010.

I know I'll be buying myself a copy!

ESPECIALLY after watching/ hearing this.

The Beginning of something.. Awkward

We've all been there before. That moment of silence and uncertainty. You enter a new stage and everything around is different from what you are accustomed to. Or maybe you're in the same place and someone says or does something that changes EVERYTHING.

Let's be honest, we've ALL had that awkward moment. We don't want to do anything, but at the same time we ALL know awkward levels will only continue to rise if people do NOTHING. Yet, we wait for other people to do something instead of us, because no one's sure exactly what to do as the solution. You might end up doing something wrong and making things even MORE awkward.

Then the WHOLE situation is your fault. So we wait, and that is how an awkward situation grows and this is how tension rises.

I'd say awkward moments, as horrible as they are; help us. They allow us to grow and see the mistakes in things that we may or may not have done and what we should of done. My awkward moment came at York's MAC Frosh Week. The moment wasn't necessarily someone saying something or doing something strange, it was the situation that I was now in. I knew virtually NO ONE at York in MAC college. All of my friends that had gone to York had found themselves in different colleges. As awkward as it was being with no one but strangers and not knowing how to act, what they would think of me and how they would judge me, I realized that this was the week I made friendships that would last a lifetime.

The Frosh Bosses helped too. Seeing them act completely insane and out there, helped me feel comfortable with being totally open with people I had NEVER met before. I can honestly say that If I didn't go to Frosh and I didn't develop the open attitude I have now, I would of never made the amazing friendships I did. As a first year student, I realize how intimidating this idea is but you must remember that there are so many more first years just like you waiting for someone else to break the awkward silence.

Thanks to the MAC Frosh experience, you can definitely expect me to apply and actually be a Frosh Boss myself next year. So, I invite you to join the cause and become a Boss. Take the opportunity to help future first year students break the universal awkward silence and help them to make friendships that may or may not last their lifetime. Who knows, you might help someone find their soul mate.

Anything's possible, as long as you open your mind to the possibility of hope.

- Francis Frustration

This is REALLY frustrating me right now ..

I HATE living at home with my parents right now. It is SUCH a pain and it is so frustrating to have to commute EVERY SINGLE day to class. I mean, it helps that I have Tuesdays off but that can only do so much.

York University has been, to be honest, a bitter sweet experience.

Let me explain.

I LOVE York. I love being there. All my awesome new friends are there. I love hanging out and I feel so free, but at the same time I know my responsibilities and so far I've been able to balance them out in a mature manner. My new friends have respected my schedule and I respect their plans. It's allowed me to do so much growing up in such little time.

The BITTER part? My parents can't seem to wrap their head around it. They believe that University is ALL school and NO fun. They wanted me to show up at school, do work and come home. On top of that, they don't seem to understand that I am under A LOT of stress to get A LOT of work done for SEVERAL classes, and their lack of sympathy is shown through them forcing their OWN values on me.

Whether or not they WANT to accept it.. I am an ADULT now.. I am 18 turning 19.

They STILL treat me like a niner in high school, and it's ridiculous. They get mad at me over stupid things. I'm over my text limit AGAIN? What would you EXPECT? You give me an 1000 SHARED limit between FOUR people .. How are you gonna expect me to stay WITHIN that while maintaining all the friends that I have? You REFUSE to get unlimited texts which just MAKES sense.

I am my OWN individual. You need to understand that we aren't going to agree on everything, and just because you are my parents that doesn't give you the right to dictate how I live my life. It's MY life. I should be able to have the choice to choose what I do. If I screw up, then I screw up. That's life, and I should be able to learn from my own mistakes instead of not being able to do what I want to do because you want to "be safe".

I'd rather be HAPPY and make mistakes doing what I WANT to do, rather than be depressed and be seemingly "flawless".

'Cause in MY opinion, it's NOT being perfect that makes life perfect in it's own way.

You always seem to close minded to accept anyone ELSE'S ideas and views on how to accomplish things, even though they work and can sometimes be even better than the ideas you had in mind.

Every time I try to explain myself to you, you always just get angry and tell me I'm talking back..

How are we supposed to connect when I can't even express my opinions without you criticizing and judging me? You are my PARENTS. You are SUPPOSED to hear me out and SUPPORT me.

Whatever..

Hopefully, I move out SOON because my friends seem to understand me MORE than you.

- Francis Frustration

Inside the Mind of The Frustrated #13

"Friends surprise you in the most amazing ways sometimes. It can be in something that was supposed to happen but catches you off guard, because the conclusion ends up more differently than imagined. It can also be totally random and out of the blue. Today, my best friend made me smile. I hadn't seen her in a while, but all she needed to say was that she would be home for the WHOLE summer. I haven't seen her since the end of this one, and it's been killing me. I miss her, and she told me she missed me too. That made me feel warm inside. To know that I haven't been TOTALLY forgotten; which was one of my worst fears when she first moved out... If only I could something ELSE off my mind .. Or SOMEONE else I should say.. But that'll be for another day, and another post"

- Francis Frustration

MAC FROSH WEEK

September 6 - 12

ONE amazing week!

Meeting new friends, and partying hard!

If you don't ALREADY know, Frosh Week is a week in which first year students socialize with each other, discover the campus and have a good time!

I met a BUNCH of AWESOME new friends and I can honestly say that I've developed my own York group of friends. I know that week was only the START though as York will have SO MANY more memories to go.

Toronto Zoo .. Hypnotist show.. Wasaga Beach .. Wonderland ..

Along with everything in between.

It was an amazing experience that had everything you could think of from new friendships to new drama .. all in ONE week? You KNOW IT!

It was the week that I can honestly say matured me and gave birth to the mature independent commuting York student I currently am!

A week I KNOW I'll never forget, and because of that I plan on applying to be a Frosh Boss NEXT year so for all you FUTURE YORK STUDENTS

I have ONE thing to say

BRING THE RUKUS! BRING THE MOTHER FUCKING RUKUS!

MAC FROSH AIN'T NOTHING TO FUCK WITH!

- Francis Frustration

Inside the Mind of The Frustrated #12

"There will always be haters, and people who don't like you. They'll always work to keep you down and remind you of your failures. They'll kick you when your down and watch as you do your best to get back up. They seemingly dedicate their lives to make YOURS hell, and that isn't even the WORST part. The worst thing? It's knowing that there isn't anyone on the other side to help you when haters have you pinned down. You find yourself alone, fending for yourself most of the time but in the end you grow stronger. You realize more and more about yourself, and you realize as much as it hurts, it's a learning experience. I just wish learning didn't have to do this hard..."

- Francis Frustration

Here's the Thing ...

I always do my best and TRY to put my 100% BEST effort into EVERY friendship regardless of who the person may be, but it's hard..

I always feel used and half the time I always feel like no one ever really cares about me as much as I care about them.

That might just be my paranoia though.. Everyone keeps saying they care but at the same time.. I don't know anymore.

Actions speak louder than words and from my FIRST week at university .. Everything seems to be screaming at me..

I know people don't MEAN to hurt me (Or at least I HOPE so) .. But it happens.

I'm not one to bother people with my problems, but the LEAST you can do is try.

Or at least REMEMBER that I did my best ... So maybe you could try even a TAD bit harder for me?

Even as I type that request.. I know it's selfish .. so I don't ACTUALLY ask for that from my friends.. but deep inside.. I long for it..

My friends are my second family and it hurts when they forget me.

That's been happening A LOT lately...

I feel like music and writing seems to be the only thing keeping me from breaking down..

I'm at school almost ALL day now with the exception of tuesdays ...

THIS is the Real world? ...

and to think... All I REALLY, HONESTLY need.. is someone to talk to and to be with...

Guess that's too much to ask for...

- Francis Frustration

Inside the Mind of The Frustrated #11

"Everything you've ever been, the person you are now as well as what you will do in the future are all part of who you are. Whether it's a good past or a bad one. Everything makes up who you are. There is nothing we can do to change the past. All we can do is work for a better future to redeem ourselves. Today was my first day at York University and as I walked through the campus I realized who I was becoming and saw the future I was capable of achieving. All I need to do now is work and not give up. Procrastination needs to stop and Maturity needs to start. I need to work on my own and the only person that can make that happen is me, myself and I."

- Francis Frustration

Inside the Mind of The Frustrated #10

"The difference between and friend and you is that a friend can only tell when is something is wrong. You can make me smile and laugh in the times I feel like crying and dying. "

- Francis Frustration

Dear best friend,

It's funny how fast time can go. It's weird that we can go from tiny little elementary school kids into young adults moving out in what feels like days, when really it's been years.

It's funny... How friendship works? How complete STRANGERS can become so close and practically become each others family. That's pretty much happened to us.

We went from strangers, to classmates at Agnes.

Then at Notre Dame we were good friends, and became what some would call "regulars".

Then we became CLOSE friends, and I realized that I trusted you over anyone I've ever called my friend.

Now, I consider you to be my closest and most trustworthy friend. You are important to me, and I care about you too much that it hurts to think about you forgetting me.

BUT

That's what happens right?

You're now moving out into the real world; Ready to meet new and amazing people.

People SO MUCH greater than myself..

I can't blame you for forgetting me, but to be honest.

I'll never TRULY know how much OUR friendship meant to you.

But I'll let you know what it meant to me:

My life.

You were amazing to me; You've always been able to be there for me and you never cease to help me out. You've helped me through my relationship issues and because of that, I am always in debt to you.

You are my BEST friend and I love you for everything you've done for me.

Your words and presence mean more then words express.

Abigail Hope Marshall will ALWAYS be my OWN true love, and I plan on keeping her for the rest of my life.

YOU Emilia.. are my everlasting friend .. No one can EVER replace you..

You however.. Can replace me in the blink of an eye.. but I'm kind of hoping you DON'T.

Brampton will NEVER be the same ... It'll never be the same for ME anyways ..

It breaks my heart that I have to watch you leave and not even be able to SEE you during your LAST weekend in Brampton .. But I know you're happy where you are.. and that's all I can ask for ...

It's funny .. How far two strangers can go..

I just hope we don't go back to strangers...

Your one and ONLY asian and YOUR best friend,

- Francis Frustration

I was SO pumped to start the day, but now I just want to RE start..

I hate how much this day means to me. and how little impact this seems to have on you. Every second that ticks .. Is a second wasted that we could of spent together. You're leaving Brampton. You're entering the real world, and all I asked for was ONE day. I couldn't even get it. I'll be lucky if I get a handful of hours at this point... You'll be happy REGARDLESS of today's outcomes but not me. I feel like breaking down but I won't, because even if it's just ONE hour.. I'd want you to remember that one hour as something happy. I miss you, and you haven't even left... Isn't that sad?

- Francis Frustration

[ My NEW Bucket List ]

I decided that due to my recent events my Bucket List has changed SUBSTANTIALLY.

As a result, the bucket list I had previously posted on my blog is no longer accurate in terms of describing me.

However, it shall remain up as a reminder of the person I once was.

I decided I would do this BEFORE Frosh Week and the start of my York classes as I realize that once they start; blogging will become less due to the amount of time I will take studying during the week.

This will be my NEW bucket list (You can find my OLD bucket list in my archive of posts)

• Finish my undergraduate program with the highest marks possible
• Get into graduate school and graduate with a degree
• Produce ONE album in a legit recording studio
• Perform in front of at LEAST 100 people
• Record a song featuring a well known artist/Produce with a well known producer
• Have an original song play on the radio
• Get signed to a label
• Publish a book
• Have a meet and greet
• Tour the WORLD
• Road Trip with my CLOSEST friends
• Star in a video game
• Star in a movie
• Be interviewed on National LIVE TV
• Get married
• Appear on MTV Cribs
• Create my own original logo
• Reunion Cruise with everyone from the Carnival Freedom Club 02

- Francis Frustration

Born to be who we are

This is who we are

We make mistakes We learn and correct them

We fall down We stand back up with purpose

We bleed We grow stronger

We Cry We comfort and love

We destroy We create and rebuild

We kill We give new life

We lie We vindicate the truth

We deceive We redeem ourselves

We betray We remain loyal

We steal We take what is rightfully ours

We infect We heal and cure

We corrupt We save and rescue

We die We are reborn into a new life

- Francis Frustration

Inside the mind of The Frustrated #9

"At the end of the day regardless of who we are, we all have to make a choice. We have to decide whether we do the right thing or thing we want more than anything. Sometimes they aren't the same thing, although I really wish they were. Making the "RIGHT" decision is A LOT harder then making a decision you WANT to make. Most of these struggles come from having to either make yourself or your close friends around you happy. I want my friends to be happy more than anything in the world, but I sometimes I feel selfish and wish their happiness involved me. I must realize that I'm not always the person they may want to turn to and I must remember that my friends have more important people in their lives then me, and I have to respect that if it's what makes THEM happy. I can't be selfish, or I risk forever losing their trust. Friendship VS Sanity. I need BOTH to survive but now a days it seems like one is costing me the other.."

- Francis Frustration

Inside the Mind of The Frustrated #8

"There comes a time in every man/woman's life where they realize the person they were meant to be. Sometimes it happens sooner or later, depending on the individual. Sometimes it isn't a definite realization about who they have to be. Someone's it's simply an acknowledgement of what they either love or what they realize isn't important to them. In my case, I've realized what I have to change in my life and how I need to re look at things and people in my life. It's realizing that what I've been doing up to this point will not work in the real word and that the people that are close to my play an even more important role in the success of my change. It's important that I show them that they mean something to me , and that I can NOT take advantage of them. When life starts, we can't turn back."

- Francis Frustration

How do YOU feel when you hear the alarm in the morning?

That was the question posed to me along with all the other new McLaughlin college students by our brand new academic advisor Mr. Terry Conlin. He advised that we can only be happy if we find ourselves doing something we love to do. Money isn't everything and just because someone has a job with a high income, that does not necessarily make them happier.

Everything in my life has been so hectic lately, it's been difficult to draw the line between what I want and what's expected of me to do. My parents and brother left at 1AM to New Jersey and I stayed behind with my grandmother making this weekend the FIRST weekend I spend at home WITHOUT my parents. At first it seemed AMAZING, but now that I am exneriecing the FIRST 24 hours without them .. I've discovered how hard life can be on your own.

I've been forced to grow up and mature more and faster then I can ever remember. I took the GO Transit by myself for the FIRST time yesterday when I went to my York Orientation and I've made a few new friends as well as met future classmates. I'm starting to see my future form but at the same time I'm starting to realize that things that I USED to think would be priority are starting to become secondary.

The people I love and the people I know are becoming that much more important and I feel like I have to work 10X harder to ensure that they stay in my ever moving present.

Life's starting to shift into gear and I feel like if I slow down at ALL.. I'm going to be run over by everything expected of me; Not to mention I must always keep in mind the things and people I love above all else.

Frosh Week starts in 3 days so I might not be able to update my blog as much as I WANT to .. but writing will ALWAYS be part of my life.

So to answer the question how I feel when I hear the alarm in the morning? ... It's bittersweet.

I wake up knowing that it'll be another day with the people that I love, but at the same time I have to deal with life's constant struggles and my own inner struggle to figure out who I am, what I'm meant to be and how to achieve the goal of discovering myself.

PS. I am doing my VERY best to find time in my life schedule to start working on a sequel to my "Dead and Divine" short story, but I'm not sure exactly how it'll work out. I'll keep you posted.

- Francis Frustration

Censorship Much?

Wow... Seriously?

I swear the internet was a place where we could freely express our most inner thoughts, feelings and opinions and share them with the word. I mean isn't that why we connect with people on facebook? To share what's going in our daily lives and thoughts?

THEN, WHY?

WHY WOULD YOU EVER have me delete something I THINK. Why would you EVER want me to delete MY THOUGHTS? You're practically taking my VOICE away. DON'T YOU REALIZE THAT?

I swear you said you wanted me to talk to you, to tell you when something's on MY MIND..

But NOW? .. Now you're just getting PISSED at me?

and WHY? Because YOUR plans aren't working with MY ideas and what I WANT to do?

ALL I want to do is spend time with the girl that I LOVE.

You don't understand can you? 'Cause you can't even BELIEVE that she means as much to me as she does, well she IS THAT IMPORTANT.

It pisses me off that you can't see that.

This is MY BLOG. You can't tell me to censor anything here like face book.

THIS IS MY SPACE, MY MIND.

I bet you were SO BUSY thinking about YOURSELF that you DIDN'T even realize that when School starts you're just gonna be the SAME and SHE has grade 12 grades to worry about so I can't bother her as much because just like me we BOTH have to FOCUS

Censorship is WRONG.

I can't WAIT to move out ..

- Francis Frustration

Inside the mind of The Frustrated #7

"I know you love me, but this isn't how to show it. I know you care, but you need to understand something. I am my own person, and my decisions are based on my own personality. I realize that I haven't made the BEST choices in the past, but you need to let me show you the mature adult I'm slowly starting to want to become. You need to understand that in order for me to live I need to leave the place I grew up. If that means going out multiple nights in a row then why not? I'm with the people I love: My friends. You said you wanted my happiness when I was young. This is the generation of friendship and I wish you could see that. Friends now a days are willing to do insane things for their friends because they care. NOT because they want something out of it. I know you love me, but you've gotta let me live and support it knowing it makes me happy."

- Francis Frustration

The Real World in 5 ..

In 5 days it starts.

I leave for Frosh Week.

I start living the "REAL WORLD"

No more fantasy high school BS

Everything that happens from now on

Is serious

I can't fuck up anymore

No more mistakes

I need to focus

The people who are important to me

Mean that much more now.

University's starting soon

My life hangs in the balance of these grades;

I've ALREADY lost my scholarship

and I plan on making my own money

Balancing a job and school is gonna be

The hardest thing I ever attempt;

I wanna make my parents proud,

I know HOW.. I just wish it wasn't this stressful.

5 Days... It happens.

5 Days my best friend moves out to live on her own for school.

I wish her the best of luck but..

I know it's gonna kill me.

I want to be there when she moves but I don't think I'll be able to and that breaks my heart.

She's become the closest person to me BESIDES my girlfriend and I just can't seem to imagine Brampton WITHOUT her..

5 Days ... I wish she knew how much this is effecting me.. But I can't show it.. I have to smile.. so that our last few hangouts before she leaves are happy ...

And I KNOW she'll back to visit whenever she can .. but I know she has closer friends that she's known longer that'll want to hang out with her .. she'd have more fun with them anyways .. and I can't always be available when she is, because I have my own love in Milton.

... 5 Days and I won't even be there for some of them...

Time to grow up and become a part of the world I watched as a kid growing up

Now I'm going to join "Society"

- Francis Frustration

Inside the mind of The Frustrated #6

"There is ONE thing I hate above ALL others: Stupid people. People who waste their lives and go out of their way to mess with people in their past. I am a part of your past for a REASON. I didn't WANT to be in your present. Why would you waste time out of YOUR life to come back and start shit with me when things were going fine WITHOUT either of us in each other's business. Now, you come back saying you got a BONE to pick with me? FUCK YOU. It's been months and NEARLY A WHOLE DAMN YEAR. Grow up you stupid bitch and move on. If you had ANY BALLS or MANHOOD you would of come sooner. What makes you think you're suddenly gonna come and out and think I'm gonna take you seriously? You mean NOTHING to me. Deal with it. She doesn't mean anything either; you two are BOTH two faced bitches but you two still manage to be different enough to be perfect for each other. Have fun in your life WITHOUT me. My life is doing great WITHOUT and I don't plan on changing that ANYTIME soon."

- Francis Frustration