The "Perfect" Gift

Everyone's got one in their mind.

The one they want above all others.

The gift they would as their genie for first.

If they had to only get one thing,

for BOTH their birthday and Christmas (If they celebrate it )

THIS is what they would want.

Now, here's the chance for my readers to interact with this blog.

I want YOU to tell ME what YOUR perfect gift would be.

What would YOU ask for if you could ask for ANYTHING.

If someone came down and granted you the ability to get

ONE and ONE thing only

What would YOU ask for?

This is what I would ask for (Picture):

A beautiful new bass guitar.

Looking forward to hearing what YOUR perfect gift would be!

- Francis Frustration

PS. Leave your feedback via comments on this post please.

Inside the Mind of The Frustrated #15

"The ONE thing that will NEVER make sense to me is stereotypes. I mean, seriously stereotypes are the biggest form of anti-individualism. At the same time, it isn't right to stereotype someone based on appearance alone. Everyone is an individual and to stereotype someone without getting to know them is only crippling your chance at getting to know someone you might actually like. I will admit that if someone makes an assumption that a stranger seems approachable and talks to them as a result, it's not as bad. That's not the issue though; the issue is when people put others in one general group based on what they see on the outside. Stereotypes are stupid. Just be yourself, and your true friends will be with you, because they want to be. Not based on the stereotype you choose to try and fit, because it seems cool to you. I will admit that there are influences in how people act, but that shouldn't control who you choose to be. You choose your OWN personality, and what you believe in."

- Francis Frustration

Inside the Mind of The Frustrated #14

"Gandhi once said that everything you do in life is insignificant, but it's important that you do it. In a slightly depressing way, it is true. When you die, everything you have ever done and come to become will become nothing, but it's crucial that it is done. Life is interesting in the sense that we live and die, but yet we only truly seem to understand the significance of it in our dying years. Some people fear death, and do everything they can to prolong life. Others embrace death and live life to the fullest knowing that death is inevitable. I envy those who can laugh in the face of death. I live my life to the fullest that I can, and I can only hope that others enjoy the company I bring. Yet, death is the scariest thing I can think of: The end of everything. By everything, I mean of course everything I have come to know and love. I don't know what to believe; what will happen to me after I die. Some people think they know what will happen to us, while others believe in nothing. I don't know know what to believe, but for the time being I think I'll stick to being the best person that I can be and hope people appreciate me, as I appreciate them"

- Francis Frustration

Danger Days: The True Lives of the Fabulous Killjoys

November 22, 2010.

I know I'll be buying myself a copy!

ESPECIALLY after watching/ hearing this.

The Beginning of something.. Awkward

We've all been there before. That moment of silence and uncertainty. You enter a new stage and everything around is different from what you are accustomed to. Or maybe you're in the same place and someone says or does something that changes EVERYTHING.

Let's be honest, we've ALL had that awkward moment. We don't want to do anything, but at the same time we ALL know awkward levels will only continue to rise if people do NOTHING. Yet, we wait for other people to do something instead of us, because no one's sure exactly what to do as the solution. You might end up doing something wrong and making things even MORE awkward.

Then the WHOLE situation is your fault. So we wait, and that is how an awkward situation grows and this is how tension rises.

I'd say awkward moments, as horrible as they are; help us. They allow us to grow and see the mistakes in things that we may or may not have done and what we should of done. My awkward moment came at York's MAC Frosh Week. The moment wasn't necessarily someone saying something or doing something strange, it was the situation that I was now in. I knew virtually NO ONE at York in MAC college. All of my friends that had gone to York had found themselves in different colleges. As awkward as it was being with no one but strangers and not knowing how to act, what they would think of me and how they would judge me, I realized that this was the week I made friendships that would last a lifetime.

The Frosh Bosses helped too. Seeing them act completely insane and out there, helped me feel comfortable with being totally open with people I had NEVER met before. I can honestly say that If I didn't go to Frosh and I didn't develop the open attitude I have now, I would of never made the amazing friendships I did. As a first year student, I realize how intimidating this idea is but you must remember that there are so many more first years just like you waiting for someone else to break the awkward silence.

Thanks to the MAC Frosh experience, you can definitely expect me to apply and actually be a Frosh Boss myself next year. So, I invite you to join the cause and become a Boss. Take the opportunity to help future first year students break the universal awkward silence and help them to make friendships that may or may not last their lifetime. Who knows, you might help someone find their soul mate.

Anything's possible, as long as you open your mind to the possibility of hope.

- Francis Frustration

This is REALLY frustrating me right now ..

I HATE living at home with my parents right now. It is SUCH a pain and it is so frustrating to have to commute EVERY SINGLE day to class. I mean, it helps that I have Tuesdays off but that can only do so much.

York University has been, to be honest, a bitter sweet experience.

Let me explain.

I LOVE York. I love being there. All my awesome new friends are there. I love hanging out and I feel so free, but at the same time I know my responsibilities and so far I've been able to balance them out in a mature manner. My new friends have respected my schedule and I respect their plans. It's allowed me to do so much growing up in such little time.

The BITTER part? My parents can't seem to wrap their head around it. They believe that University is ALL school and NO fun. They wanted me to show up at school, do work and come home. On top of that, they don't seem to understand that I am under A LOT of stress to get A LOT of work done for SEVERAL classes, and their lack of sympathy is shown through them forcing their OWN values on me.

Whether or not they WANT to accept it.. I am an ADULT now.. I am 18 turning 19.

They STILL treat me like a niner in high school, and it's ridiculous. They get mad at me over stupid things. I'm over my text limit AGAIN? What would you EXPECT? You give me an 1000 SHARED limit between FOUR people .. How are you gonna expect me to stay WITHIN that while maintaining all the friends that I have? You REFUSE to get unlimited texts which just MAKES sense.

I am my OWN individual. You need to understand that we aren't going to agree on everything, and just because you are my parents that doesn't give you the right to dictate how I live my life. It's MY life. I should be able to have the choice to choose what I do. If I screw up, then I screw up. That's life, and I should be able to learn from my own mistakes instead of not being able to do what I want to do because you want to "be safe".

I'd rather be HAPPY and make mistakes doing what I WANT to do, rather than be depressed and be seemingly "flawless".

'Cause in MY opinion, it's NOT being perfect that makes life perfect in it's own way.

You always seem to close minded to accept anyone ELSE'S ideas and views on how to accomplish things, even though they work and can sometimes be even better than the ideas you had in mind.

Every time I try to explain myself to you, you always just get angry and tell me I'm talking back..

How are we supposed to connect when I can't even express my opinions without you criticizing and judging me? You are my PARENTS. You are SUPPOSED to hear me out and SUPPORT me.

Whatever..

Hopefully, I move out SOON because my friends seem to understand me MORE than you.

- Francis Frustration

Inside the Mind of The Frustrated #13

"Friends surprise you in the most amazing ways sometimes. It can be in something that was supposed to happen but catches you off guard, because the conclusion ends up more differently than imagined. It can also be totally random and out of the blue. Today, my best friend made me smile. I hadn't seen her in a while, but all she needed to say was that she would be home for the WHOLE summer. I haven't seen her since the end of this one, and it's been killing me. I miss her, and she told me she missed me too. That made me feel warm inside. To know that I haven't been TOTALLY forgotten; which was one of my worst fears when she first moved out... If only I could something ELSE off my mind .. Or SOMEONE else I should say.. But that'll be for another day, and another post"

- Francis Frustration

MAC FROSH WEEK

September 6 - 12

ONE amazing week!

Meeting new friends, and partying hard!

If you don't ALREADY know, Frosh Week is a week in which first year students socialize with each other, discover the campus and have a good time!

I met a BUNCH of AWESOME new friends and I can honestly say that I've developed my own York group of friends. I know that week was only the START though as York will have SO MANY more memories to go.

Toronto Zoo .. Hypnotist show.. Wasaga Beach .. Wonderland ..

Along with everything in between.

It was an amazing experience that had everything you could think of from new friendships to new drama .. all in ONE week? You KNOW IT!

It was the week that I can honestly say matured me and gave birth to the mature independent commuting York student I currently am!

A week I KNOW I'll never forget, and because of that I plan on applying to be a Frosh Boss NEXT year so for all you FUTURE YORK STUDENTS

I have ONE thing to say

BRING THE RUKUS! BRING THE MOTHER FUCKING RUKUS!

MAC FROSH AIN'T NOTHING TO FUCK WITH!

- Francis Frustration

Inside the Mind of The Frustrated #12

"There will always be haters, and people who don't like you. They'll always work to keep you down and remind you of your failures. They'll kick you when your down and watch as you do your best to get back up. They seemingly dedicate their lives to make YOURS hell, and that isn't even the WORST part. The worst thing? It's knowing that there isn't anyone on the other side to help you when haters have you pinned down. You find yourself alone, fending for yourself most of the time but in the end you grow stronger. You realize more and more about yourself, and you realize as much as it hurts, it's a learning experience. I just wish learning didn't have to do this hard..."

- Francis Frustration

Here's the Thing ...

I always do my best and TRY to put my 100% BEST effort into EVERY friendship regardless of who the person may be, but it's hard..

I always feel used and half the time I always feel like no one ever really cares about me as much as I care about them.

That might just be my paranoia though.. Everyone keeps saying they care but at the same time.. I don't know anymore.

Actions speak louder than words and from my FIRST week at university .. Everything seems to be screaming at me..

I know people don't MEAN to hurt me (Or at least I HOPE so) .. But it happens.

I'm not one to bother people with my problems, but the LEAST you can do is try.

Or at least REMEMBER that I did my best ... So maybe you could try even a TAD bit harder for me?

Even as I type that request.. I know it's selfish .. so I don't ACTUALLY ask for that from my friends.. but deep inside.. I long for it..

My friends are my second family and it hurts when they forget me.

That's been happening A LOT lately...

I feel like music and writing seems to be the only thing keeping me from breaking down..

I'm at school almost ALL day now with the exception of tuesdays ...

THIS is the Real world? ...

and to think... All I REALLY, HONESTLY need.. is someone to talk to and to be with...

Guess that's too much to ask for...

- Francis Frustration

Inside the Mind of The Frustrated #11

"Everything you've ever been, the person you are now as well as what you will do in the future are all part of who you are. Whether it's a good past or a bad one. Everything makes up who you are. There is nothing we can do to change the past. All we can do is work for a better future to redeem ourselves. Today was my first day at York University and as I walked through the campus I realized who I was becoming and saw the future I was capable of achieving. All I need to do now is work and not give up. Procrastination needs to stop and Maturity needs to start. I need to work on my own and the only person that can make that happen is me, myself and I."

- Francis Frustration

Inside the Mind of The Frustrated #10

"The difference between and friend and you is that a friend can only tell when is something is wrong. You can make me smile and laugh in the times I feel like crying and dying. "

- Francis Frustration

Dear best friend,

It's funny how fast time can go. It's weird that we can go from tiny little elementary school kids into young adults moving out in what feels like days, when really it's been years.

It's funny... How friendship works? How complete STRANGERS can become so close and practically become each others family. That's pretty much happened to us.

We went from strangers, to classmates at Agnes.

Then at Notre Dame we were good friends, and became what some would call "regulars".

Then we became CLOSE friends, and I realized that I trusted you over anyone I've ever called my friend.

Now, I consider you to be my closest and most trustworthy friend. You are important to me, and I care about you too much that it hurts to think about you forgetting me.

BUT

That's what happens right?

You're now moving out into the real world; Ready to meet new and amazing people.

People SO MUCH greater than myself..

I can't blame you for forgetting me, but to be honest.

I'll never TRULY know how much OUR friendship meant to you.

But I'll let you know what it meant to me:

My life.

You were amazing to me; You've always been able to be there for me and you never cease to help me out. You've helped me through my relationship issues and because of that, I am always in debt to you.

You are my BEST friend and I love you for everything you've done for me.

Your words and presence mean more then words express.

Abigail Hope Marshall will ALWAYS be my OWN true love, and I plan on keeping her for the rest of my life.

YOU Emilia.. are my everlasting friend .. No one can EVER replace you..

You however.. Can replace me in the blink of an eye.. but I'm kind of hoping you DON'T.

Brampton will NEVER be the same ... It'll never be the same for ME anyways ..

It breaks my heart that I have to watch you leave and not even be able to SEE you during your LAST weekend in Brampton .. But I know you're happy where you are.. and that's all I can ask for ...

It's funny .. How far two strangers can go..

I just hope we don't go back to strangers...

Your one and ONLY asian and YOUR best friend,

- Francis Frustration

I was SO pumped to start the day, but now I just want to RE start..

I hate how much this day means to me. and how little impact this seems to have on you. Every second that ticks .. Is a second wasted that we could of spent together. You're leaving Brampton. You're entering the real world, and all I asked for was ONE day. I couldn't even get it. I'll be lucky if I get a handful of hours at this point... You'll be happy REGARDLESS of today's outcomes but not me. I feel like breaking down but I won't, because even if it's just ONE hour.. I'd want you to remember that one hour as something happy. I miss you, and you haven't even left... Isn't that sad?

- Francis Frustration

[ My NEW Bucket List ]

I decided that due to my recent events my Bucket List has changed SUBSTANTIALLY.

As a result, the bucket list I had previously posted on my blog is no longer accurate in terms of describing me.

However, it shall remain up as a reminder of the person I once was.

I decided I would do this BEFORE Frosh Week and the start of my York classes as I realize that once they start; blogging will become less due to the amount of time I will take studying during the week.

This will be my NEW bucket list (You can find my OLD bucket list in my archive of posts)

• Finish my undergraduate program with the highest marks possible
• Get into graduate school and graduate with a degree
• Produce ONE album in a legit recording studio
• Perform in front of at LEAST 100 people
• Record a song featuring a well known artist/Produce with a well known producer
• Have an original song play on the radio
• Get signed to a label
• Publish a book
• Have a meet and greet
• Tour the WORLD
• Road Trip with my CLOSEST friends
• Star in a video game
• Star in a movie
• Be interviewed on National LIVE TV
• Get married
• Appear on MTV Cribs
• Create my own original logo
• Reunion Cruise with everyone from the Carnival Freedom Club 02

- Francis Frustration

Born to be who we are

This is who we are

We make mistakes We learn and correct them

We fall down We stand back up with purpose

We bleed We grow stronger

We Cry We comfort and love

We destroy We create and rebuild

We kill We give new life

We lie We vindicate the truth

We deceive We redeem ourselves

We betray We remain loyal

We steal We take what is rightfully ours

We infect We heal and cure

We corrupt We save and rescue

We die We are reborn into a new life

- Francis Frustration

Inside the mind of The Frustrated #9

"At the end of the day regardless of who we are, we all have to make a choice. We have to decide whether we do the right thing or thing we want more than anything. Sometimes they aren't the same thing, although I really wish they were. Making the "RIGHT" decision is A LOT harder then making a decision you WANT to make. Most of these struggles come from having to either make yourself or your close friends around you happy. I want my friends to be happy more than anything in the world, but I sometimes I feel selfish and wish their happiness involved me. I must realize that I'm not always the person they may want to turn to and I must remember that my friends have more important people in their lives then me, and I have to respect that if it's what makes THEM happy. I can't be selfish, or I risk forever losing their trust. Friendship VS Sanity. I need BOTH to survive but now a days it seems like one is costing me the other.."

- Francis Frustration

Inside the Mind of The Frustrated #8

"There comes a time in every man/woman's life where they realize the person they were meant to be. Sometimes it happens sooner or later, depending on the individual. Sometimes it isn't a definite realization about who they have to be. Someone's it's simply an acknowledgement of what they either love or what they realize isn't important to them. In my case, I've realized what I have to change in my life and how I need to re look at things and people in my life. It's realizing that what I've been doing up to this point will not work in the real word and that the people that are close to my play an even more important role in the success of my change. It's important that I show them that they mean something to me , and that I can NOT take advantage of them. When life starts, we can't turn back."

- Francis Frustration

How do YOU feel when you hear the alarm in the morning?

That was the question posed to me along with all the other new McLaughlin college students by our brand new academic advisor Mr. Terry Conlin. He advised that we can only be happy if we find ourselves doing something we love to do. Money isn't everything and just because someone has a job with a high income, that does not necessarily make them happier.

Everything in my life has been so hectic lately, it's been difficult to draw the line between what I want and what's expected of me to do. My parents and brother left at 1AM to New Jersey and I stayed behind with my grandmother making this weekend the FIRST weekend I spend at home WITHOUT my parents. At first it seemed AMAZING, but now that I am exneriecing the FIRST 24 hours without them .. I've discovered how hard life can be on your own.

I've been forced to grow up and mature more and faster then I can ever remember. I took the GO Transit by myself for the FIRST time yesterday when I went to my York Orientation and I've made a few new friends as well as met future classmates. I'm starting to see my future form but at the same time I'm starting to realize that things that I USED to think would be priority are starting to become secondary.

The people I love and the people I know are becoming that much more important and I feel like I have to work 10X harder to ensure that they stay in my ever moving present.

Life's starting to shift into gear and I feel like if I slow down at ALL.. I'm going to be run over by everything expected of me; Not to mention I must always keep in mind the things and people I love above all else.

Frosh Week starts in 3 days so I might not be able to update my blog as much as I WANT to .. but writing will ALWAYS be part of my life.

So to answer the question how I feel when I hear the alarm in the morning? ... It's bittersweet.

I wake up knowing that it'll be another day with the people that I love, but at the same time I have to deal with life's constant struggles and my own inner struggle to figure out who I am, what I'm meant to be and how to achieve the goal of discovering myself.

PS. I am doing my VERY best to find time in my life schedule to start working on a sequel to my "Dead and Divine" short story, but I'm not sure exactly how it'll work out. I'll keep you posted.

- Francis Frustration

Censorship Much?

Wow... Seriously?

I swear the internet was a place where we could freely express our most inner thoughts, feelings and opinions and share them with the word. I mean isn't that why we connect with people on facebook? To share what's going in our daily lives and thoughts?

THEN, WHY?

WHY WOULD YOU EVER have me delete something I THINK. Why would you EVER want me to delete MY THOUGHTS? You're practically taking my VOICE away. DON'T YOU REALIZE THAT?

I swear you said you wanted me to talk to you, to tell you when something's on MY MIND..

But NOW? .. Now you're just getting PISSED at me?

and WHY? Because YOUR plans aren't working with MY ideas and what I WANT to do?

ALL I want to do is spend time with the girl that I LOVE.

You don't understand can you? 'Cause you can't even BELIEVE that she means as much to me as she does, well she IS THAT IMPORTANT.

It pisses me off that you can't see that.

This is MY BLOG. You can't tell me to censor anything here like face book.

THIS IS MY SPACE, MY MIND.

I bet you were SO BUSY thinking about YOURSELF that you DIDN'T even realize that when School starts you're just gonna be the SAME and SHE has grade 12 grades to worry about so I can't bother her as much because just like me we BOTH have to FOCUS

Censorship is WRONG.

I can't WAIT to move out ..

- Francis Frustration

Inside the mind of The Frustrated #7

"I know you love me, but this isn't how to show it. I know you care, but you need to understand something. I am my own person, and my decisions are based on my own personality. I realize that I haven't made the BEST choices in the past, but you need to let me show you the mature adult I'm slowly starting to want to become. You need to understand that in order for me to live I need to leave the place I grew up. If that means going out multiple nights in a row then why not? I'm with the people I love: My friends. You said you wanted my happiness when I was young. This is the generation of friendship and I wish you could see that. Friends now a days are willing to do insane things for their friends because they care. NOT because they want something out of it. I know you love me, but you've gotta let me live and support it knowing it makes me happy."

- Francis Frustration